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i feel so fucked up inside.

I feel like crying out my sorrows

and scream it all out loud;

but let my cries and screms

be inaudible to the world.

today was freakinh hell of a torture...
the first period was chemistry, and i was already freaking sleepy.
and i was asked to sit in front[ not becos i was misbehaving, I was a good student ok ]
and it was freakin' hard to keep my eyes open.
my head was drooping and it was hard to not slam my head on the table...

then during e maths, a guy from 3p1, chao yang i think was his name...
he played peek-aboo with mrs poh...haahaha
chao yang hid behind the door and bobbed up and down till she saw him.
i think she could have laughed but she resisted i guess...
she had a grin on her face though
he was even so bold to come into class when mrs poh was still in class.
but her back was turned towards him.
it was kinda hilarious.
he managed to do it a few times...

then during social studies,
i practically did nothing last lesson.
but this time i did a fair amount of the work but still it was not complete la.
just talked and talked with saufy.
ms tay finally caught me that time for not doing anything.
but luckily she gave me a chance ;]
& b4 that, mintak fana hp die teros slambe aje kasi...
practically, takde pape yg kite buat sgt ngan hp die pn.
tapi bile kasi balik, fana dah takot.....ehehehe.

den last period, nak jumpe amirul aleh2 fana pulak yg timbul
i told her stuff that she's been asking throughout the whole day...
teros die start menggiler ah...
then die dah mcm merajok gitu aku pegi la delete my "findings"...
takot nanti die tak fren aku lagi ke...
hahaha.fana kau ni mmg btl2 klakar ah prangai kau.

i think when tergiler giler ngan fana tu, it like really worsen my gastric pain
since after recess...actually it started in the morning...
i thot it was hunger pangs...
but it persisted.
so ,i didn't go for physics remedial.
and i was like going throught child labour on my way home.
all becos i didn't even bring a single gastritis pill.

today was hella torture still i got some fun out of it thanks to fana :)

this is a picture during the last day of my training as conservation ambassador

at Jurong Bird park.

It was a great programme.

Loads of great people.

I'm glad we managed to straighten things out.
I hope it works best for us.
Just keep you spirits high and everything will be alright.

yesterday was really a turn off.

it was all quietness and temper,

faces and ignorance.

it felt awkward after all this long.

i just couldn't give in anymore.

I felt kinda irritated

knowing you react this way.

which is so unlikely of you

but still,

i was treated this way.

you wanted to talk,

and did came.

despite what i was feeling.

i stayed calm, never to explode.

cos i had your feelings in mind

i still loved you.

we talked

and straightened things out.

we still were stuck at the same old question

should we continue or go back to our old selves?

it was up to me,

but i can a one-sided decision.

in case regrets happen and

i will feel guilty.

i cared for you deeply.

u realised your mistakes.

that's why we patched up.

It was great.

I was ready to keep my promises.

but already the same day,

it happened again.

in two hours record.

i was surprised at your reaction.

i wanted to go out and socialise

but u rebutted.

despite it was ur frens.

but that wasn't the main point.

it was a last minute decision,

how could you have known and

stopped me from going?

i was sorry i told u late,

and i was already sorry.

yet u ratted on me,

and i felt again what i felt earlier on that day.

it feel i was a puppet,

being controlled.

maybe we should reconsider what i said when we meet yesterday?

before our hearts hurt and ache,

we could solve this peacefully.

HELLO peeps! btol melampau sey. da lame giler tak post...
ape nak buat. nak on comp aje dah malas.

so far yang telah happen is that: Hari Raye which was gerek giler. finally dapat baham segale yg aku tak dpt makan. dapat collection lagi :] ka ching ka ching ! then, end of year exam yg boleh2 katekn disappointing btol but bukan semuenye tapi ape nak buat... dah tak leh menyesal lagi. it's better not to regret. skarang, focus on forward track prog , then there's still malay O-level... so no early holiday for me mcm gini.

Sometimes rase mcm depressed and i don't noe why. but i just wished that i'll start fresh and tat's what i'll do. stop regretting and start working for better results. got to be more optimistic.

Skarang, cume tak sabar nak pegi purbalingga. nak pegi shopping for stuff etc, and actually go on a single plane with 24 other friends which gurantee kecoh punyer. i'll bet mesti have the best time ever kat sane agaknye. boleh giler pikir pasal purbalingga trip ni. Excited GILER !

straight after holidays dah start, kene kluar rumah... taklh terperuk kat dlm rumah aje... got to mingle and socialise. kluar ngan cousins, kawans and buddies... Shiok punye :]